What the Hell is Fanfiction?
by TheQueen117
Summary: James, Remus, and Sirius are given a laptop and stumble upon fanfiction. This is their reactions! -COMPLETE!-
1. What's the internet?

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything

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**What the Hell is fanfiction?**

**By Vampirerule117**

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The Marauders (minus Peter) were bored out of their silly boyish minds as they huddled together in James cozy living room. It had been raining all day and had canceled their quiddage game.

Sirius was about to scream out in frustration when James father Mr. Potter slammed the front door open and came skipping (YES skipping) into the living room. James, fearing for the small sanity his father had left, asked, "Dad what's up?"

"James I bought _a laptop_. It is this _portable computer_ Muggles have and it connects to something called the _Internet _and the _Internet _can search anything in the world."

Sirius thinking this was something that would clear the boredom that was slowly killing his brain, "Oooh! Can we see it?"

James father grinned and handed Remus the laptop before heading into the kitchen to find his wife.

"Well," asked Remus, "What should we look up?' he asked as he opened the _Internet_.

"Let's type in our names and see what we get," said Sirius. Everyone turned to stare at him.

"What!"

"First smart thing you've said today, Pads" said James with a shrug.

"Let's type in 'Sirius Black' and press enter," Everyone waited until the page finished loading.

"What's that?" asked Sirius as he pointed to a website called /books/Harry_Potter/

"I don't know, lets…seeee," said James as he clicked the link and up popped a big white page with a long list of titles and summaries with the author's name next to it.

Remus, being the fastest reader, quickly scanned the screen stopping on a names of an author, "Hey look at that it says 'Marauders-And-Lily-I Love'. Click on it James,"

James obeyed, equally curious and waited for the page to download. Once the page had updated. They saw a profile with a bunch of quotes and links to stories at the bottom.

"Hey," cried Sirius giggling, "Look at that." He pointed to one of the grouping of quotes and read aloud:

**Professor Flitwick … does not know where Snow White is.**

Remus snorted remembering when James asked him.

**Professor Snape … has no wish to get in touch with his 'feminine side'.**

"If Snivellous is a teacher at Hogwarts then Dumbledore has really gone mad." Stated James

**Professor Lupin … has no need for a flea collar. Ever.**

James and Sirius snorted and remus had a feeling what they were getting him for Christmas.

**Professor Moody … the best 'teaching' Hogwarts has seen in a while.**

**Professor McGonagall … does not take herself too seriously. It is a bad idea to tell her.**

"Oh Minnie," laughed James

**Professor Dumbledore … should be referred to as 'Professor', 'Headmaster' or 'Sir', not 'Dude', 'My Liege' or 'Tim the Enchanter'.**

**Harry Potter … is more Emo than Draco Malfoy.**

James wondered who this 'Harry Potter' was, but didn't ask.

**Draco Malfoy … disagrees.**

**Hermione Granger … has PMS and a wand.**

**Ron Weasley … is very afraid.**

"Completely understandable," said James thinking about his lily-flower

**Luna Lovegood … is perfectly sane, thanks very much.**

**Ginny Weasley … wants her Hogwarts toilet seat.**

**Fred Weasley … knows if he and his twin giggle at an idea for more than fifteen seconds, they may assume that it's against the rules and therefore should not carry it out.**

**George Weasley … knows he and his twin will carry it out and are not remotely sorry.**

"Reminds me of you two," said Remus

**Lily Evans … swears she is not in love with James Potter.**

**James Potter … doesn't believe her.**

**Remus Lupin … would prefer less jokes about 'his time of the month'.**

"I would…" said Remus

**Sirius Black … killed by drapery.**

"What's that mean?" asked Sirius. The other two shrugged

**Andromeda Black … is going to marry a muggle – screw the consequences.**

**Bellatrix Black … is quietly going insane.**

**Narcissa Black … would like a new hairbrush.**

**Lucius Malfoy … does not like to be referred to as 'Luscious Mouthful'.**

They burst into laughter at the thought of Malfoy's face if they called him that.

**Voldemort … does not think it would be funny if HP were to put on earmuffs and pulled out a mandrake in his presence"**

The group of boys burst into laughter and through the giggle James gasped, "The funny thing is that some of this is true."

Remus laughed, "It's weird that I'm mentioned twice."

Sirius shrugged, "I can tell you one thing. Next time I see the Headmaster I'm calling him Tim the Enchanter."

This brought on a second fit of laughs and once they calmed down enough James scrolled down to the story links. "Most of this stuff seems to be about us."

Sirius asks, "What's this?" pointing at the computer screen at a story called, "James Potter Has Finally Seen Enough."

James shrugs, "The summary says 'Moony, honestly, I'm ashamed at you – I thought that you, at least, would be a tad more considerate towards me, but NO! You let that stupid fluff-ball we call Padfoot fuck you on MY BED! SBRL"

"Well," Remus says a little confused and slightly grossed out, "I have never let Sirius fuck me, ever. Sooo now I'm curious. Who wants to read it?"

All three of them raise their hands and James clicks on the link and waits.

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Author Note:

What you think?


	2. Ewww

Disclamier: I OWN NOTHING! The story is by Marauder-and-Lily-I-love and the characters belong to J..

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"I think I'll read it seeing as it's a letter addressed to you guys," said James.

Sirius and Remus nod and James clears his throat and begins,

"**Dearest Sirius 'Padfoot' Black and Remus 'Moony' Lupin,**

**I am writing this extremely **_**polite**_** and **_**friendly **_**letter to **_**kindly **_**request the removal of yourselves from the humble abode,"**

"What's with all the sarcasm?" asked Remus

"It's how I wrote it."

"You mean Marauder-And-Lily-I-Love wrote it," corrected Sirius

"Yeah,"

"**I call my - Oh, this is **_**bullshit**_**. In other words:**

**GET YOUR SORRY ARSES THE FUCK OUT OF MY BED."**

Remus and Sirius jumped and James's mother rushed in, "James Harold Potter, never have I heard such foul language…"

"Chill, mum," said James, "I'm reading something off the net."

"A little too realistically if you ask me," mumbled Sirius.

"Ahh, but no one did," said James cheekily.

Mrs. Potter just shacked her head and went back into the kitchen no longer wanting an explanation.

"**Do you know how much trouble I went through to get you two together?"**

"Oh so we're a couple," said Remus

"Apparently,"

"Guys can I finish before dinner?'

"Sorry," they both said

**The blood, sweat and tears I wasted over you? I have had my darling Lily-kins knee me in my family jewels when I asked her for help in getting you two together; I have had McGonagall interrogating me as to why I was wanking in a broom cupboard;"**

"What!" cried Remus and Sirius.

"I never really did," said James, "It's what the story reads."

"But why?" asked Remus

"If you let me continue we may find out."

**I have had first years staring at me strangely as I mime bashing your heads together when I am walking behind you. **

Sirius giggled and Remus just shook his head.

**All of that was done for YOU! (Yes, **_**even**_** the wanking part… just don't ask… The trauma I experienced over that is just too much… honestly, the things I do for you!)**

"I guess well never now," joked Sirius

"Pity…"

**AND THIS IS HOW YOU REPAY ME?**

**This is how you treat your BEST FRIEND? Moony, honestly, I'm ashamed at you – I thought that you, at least, would be a tad more considerate towards me, but NO! You **_**let **_**that stupid fluff-ball we call **_**Padfoot **_**fuck you on **_**MY BED**_**! **

"Still disgusted by that by the way," said Sirius.

"Why? I'm not good enough for you Black?" cried Remus

"What! No that's not…"

"Whatever." Remus huffed

**You ruined my pretty sheep-covered bedcovers! **

"Sheep?"

"That's what she wrote!" cried James

**My **_**mother**_** gave those to me! And now, **_**I can't even get the stain out!**_

"Ewww…"

**The stain! Oh, don't even get me started on the bloody **_**stain**_**! The mere fact that **_**your **_**semen is on my bed covers is enough to make me **_**vomit**_**!**

"Oh god…" cried James, "The freaking mental images…"

**How could you do this to me? How? HOW? And **_**what **_**am I going to **_**tell **_**my mother? That my two best friends thought it would be amusing to FUCK on MY BED? I thought you were my friends! Why couldn't you do it on Peter's bed? **

"Nah," said Sirius, "If I ever did fuck Remus it would be on your bed cause it's the comfiest."

Remus nodded and James looked like he was going to be sick

**Why? WHY? Peter's mother doesn't give a **_**shit **_**about his bed covers! You **_**know **_**how my mother is; she'll go ballistic! And unlike me, Peter did **_**not **_**go through hours of thinking (which, by the way, almost **_**killed **_**my brain) about to get you two brainless idiots together.**

"I take offence to that." Cried Remus.

"Come on Moony," said Sirius, "You can be pretty dense sometimes."

"Oh shut it!"

**And the noises you make, oh blimey, they made my ears **_**bleed**_**! Literally. **

"That's gotta hurt."

**Do you know how painful bleeding ears are? I swear, my ears almost fell off – but what with all the hullabaloo you buffoons were making, that wouldn't have been a bad thing. **

"I bet at one point I was contemplating cutting them off." Said James, "Kind of like Van Goh,"

"I would understand."

**I do not want to know what you are doing with each other's cocks, and I do not see why you'd (Remus) want to advertise **_**'how good it feels inside you'**_**! And Padfoot, I doubt anyone wants to know how **_**'godly'**_** you find Remus' privates!**

"Wait," said Remus, "doesn't that mean I'm fucking Sirius cause I'm inside him…" by the end of that statement Remus was blushing fire truck red.

"Nonononono," said Sirius, "If we ever got together, I'd top."

"And why's that?" asked Remus

"I'm broader, taller, and older."

"And I could pin you down right here and right now and have my way with you," growled Remus his face inches from Sirius's, his ego bruised.

Sirius tried to get away, but Remus quickly pinned him down so he was pushed against the coach cushions with Remus straddling him.

Finally James cleared his voice and the two jumped a part blushing hard.

**Also, you idiots are having a very negative effect on the Gryffindors! Half of them are two scared to enter the common room in case they just **_**happen **_**to come face to face with your naked arses! Or they're worried about not being able to work while you two furbrains are humping each other through the floor in the dormitory **_**directly above them!**_

"Gross," said James, "But what's worse that it's only half."

**The other half, scarily enough, **_**want**_** to see you two going at it! And that does not mean that they have good taste in gay men, **_**no**_**! **

"Oh lord," said Sirius, "I am not nor ever will be gay." Remus nodded.

**It simply means that these people, unsurprisingly the majority of which are **_**girls**_**, are twisted, insanely perverted and utterly **_**loopy. **_**(I hope you liked that play on words, Moony. You know… 'Loopy', 'Lupin', 'Loony'… Ya know what I mean? Or maybe I should start calling you Moopy. Mixture between Moony and Loopy… Yeah, I rather like that.)**

"One, I can't believe you used the song. Two, ever call me Moopy and you will die, and Three, I do NOT enjoy the word play."

James just nodded.

**Alright Moopy and Madfoot! (Hehe, I am a genius!) **

"You've lost it," said Sirius, "By this point your close to hysteria while writing this."

"It won't do any good for you blood pressure either." Said Remus concerned.

"Remember guys," sighed James, "I didn't actually write this.

**Here is the final verdict. If I ever see you two sexing each other up outside the dormitory, without a silencing charm (on the **_**floor**_**, as well as the walls and door) or locking charm, I am going grab you both, **_**by the penis **_**(of course, I shall be wearing gloves), **

"Don't ever do that," warned Sirius

"Lets just pray I won't have to," countered James.

**And then lock you in a room with a hundred rabid Remus/Sirius fangirls. (You know, I thought I saw Professor Sprout making gooey eyes at you two…)**

"Ewww…."

**And if I see you **_**doing it on my **__**bed**__**, **_**let's just say that you might **_**accidentally **_**end up with no cocks. At all. Not even your **_**balls **_**will be left. No, wait! Forget **_**balls, **_**you won't have a single **_**pubic hair left!**_

Remus and Sirius grabbed pillow and covered their 'area' and shivered in fear.

**That's right! Yeah, and that evil look that you are visualizing on my face as you read this **_**is actually there.**_

The two looked at James and shivered when they caught an evil glint in his eyes.

**Thank you, and goodnight!**

… **Peace out. (I've always wanted to say/write that!)**

**James 'Prongs' Potter.**

**P.S. I am the reason you guys are together. Remember that. Or else.**

**P.P.S. Um, also, you guys **_**have **_**to buy me new bed covers. And this time, I want them covered in piggies, please.**

"What is with you and baby bed sheets?" asked Sirius

"Oh shut it." Snapped James while clicking the back button, "What should we read next?"

"How about…."


	3. Pranking Ideas

**Disclaimer: I OWN NOTHING! The story is by Marauder-and-Lily-I-love and the characters belong to J.K. Rowelling**

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**CHAPTER 1:**

**"Oh shut it." Snapped James while clicking the back button, "What should we read next?"**

**"How about…."**

**...**

**What the HELL is fanfiction?**

**Chapter 3: 50 Things Sirius Black can not do.**

"... this thing "50 Things Sirius Black Is Not Allowed To Do" said Sirius, "It's about me so it must be ah-mazing and we might get some good prank ideas."

"Yeah," said Remus nodding, "The author's writing is pretty funny... if you get past the gross factor..."

James nodded, "True... so 50 Things Paddy can not do," he licked the link and waited a bit and when it was loaded he turned to the other occupant of the oom, "Do you want to read it?"

"I will," said Sirius, "It is after all about ME!"

Remus rolled his eyes, "Hurry up already,"

"All right, all right," said Sirius, "Chill Remmy baby."

James groaned and Sirius cleared his throat and read;

**50 Things Sirius Black Is Not Allowed To Do**

**1) Sing 'Baby Got Back' at the top of his lungs dressed in a tight leather mini-skirt.**

He froze and waited a few minutes for the mental-image to sink in, "You know," he said standing up and spinning around, "i wouldn't look that bad..."

"True,' said James with a frown, "You do kind of look like a girl."

"What!" cried Sirius, but James ignored him.

"Don't you agree Remus?"

"Yup,"

"Oh shut up," said Sirius who sat back down and started to read again.

**2) Make endless sexual innuendos about bananas.**

Sirius snorted and James and Remus groaned

**3) Take pictures of himself while showering and then sell them to the female population of Hogwarts.**

"Scary enough," James said with a smile, "You would actually make a lot of money." He looked over at Sirius with a special gleam in his eyes.

"I refuse to become a porn model," snapped Sirius

**4) Give Remus a makeover while he is asleep.**

James and Sirius shared a look and smirked. Remus was now terrified

**5) Ask the potions professor whether the day's assignment can be used as sexual lubricant.**

James snickered.

**6) Sign his essays 'Seriously Sexy Sirius'.**

**7) Deliberately invite Moaning Myrtle to the Prefect's bathroom to watch while Remus and he are 'bathing' together...**

"Ewww..." cried Remus, "i should have known there would be more slash, but still..."

"Gross," said Sirius

"Great the mental images are back," cried James

**8) ...And then pretend to know nothing about it of course.**

**9) Buy Remus a flea collar and then attempt to strangle him with it.**

Sirius started laughing.

"You dare..." warned Remus

"It would be funny," said James and Remus rounded a him with one of his super glares, "I mean... um... um... I'm shutting up now."

"Good idea."

**10) Encourage first years to make friends with the Whomping Willow.**

**11) Paint a regular golf ball gold, glue wings to it and then replace the snitch with it.**

"You dare mess with Quidditch and I'll ripe your intenstins out and boil your eyeballs," snapped James

Sirius nodded quickly, very scared and then quickly started reading.

**12) Transfigure Remus into a puppy and name him 'Squishy'**

"Don't you..." started Remus, but Sirius shot him an evil smile and giggled very creepily, "When you least expect it... when you least expect it."

Remus whimpered in fear and James just patted him on the back and looked at him as if he was already picking out the flowers he'd like best during his funeral.

**13) Introduce an official 'Hug a Slytherin Day'.**

Sirius shook his head and then frowned, "That would be funny though..."

James shrugged, "We'll think about it."

**14) Steal Lily's bras...**

**15) ... and then force James to wear the sexiest one over his school robes.**

Remus and Sirius burst out laughing, while James pale dramatically.

"Sirius if you don't... I will,"

Sirius nodded in agreement.

**16) Run through the school naked with 'S.O.B' written on his chest in melted chocolate...**

"I draw the line at flashing," said Sirius

Remus chuckled, "Nice to know you have some restraints."

**17) ... and then loudly ask Remus to lick it off.**

"Eww..."

**18) Convince Remus that all the books in the library have been stolen and that it is closing down.**

**19) Tell everyone that James' mum looks like Voldemort.**

"That's just cruel," said James pouting.

**20) Write a book about different sexual positions with graphic diagrams, using Remus' teddy and a house elf as the models.**

"Hmmm... maybe," said Sirius

**21) ... And then claim that James' broomstick told him to do it.**

"If you did it, I'd seriously doubt your sanity," said Remus frowning.

Sirius snorted, "What sanity?"

**22) Tell first years that Filch regularly abuses his cat.**

**23) Tell First years that Filch is the Voice of God.**

"Imagine if they believed it..." laughed Sirius

**24) Ask Professor Flitwick if he knows where Snow White lives.**

"Done that," said James and Sirius

**25) Pop a balloon in the middle of one of Dumbledore's speeches.**

**"Hmmm..."**

**26) Squirt ketchup on his forehead and then tell Remus he fell off of the Astronomy Tower.**

**27) Slip 'used' condoms in James' bed before he and Lily come up to do their 'stuff'.**

Sirius started laughing.

**28) Refer to Remus as a 'sex crazed wolf' in public.**

29) Tell people that it's Remus' Time of the Month when he tells First Years off for breathing too loudly.

He was now laughing so hard that Remus had to take it away from him and start reading**  
**

**30) Try to beat James to death with a napkin.**

**31) ...or a pillow.**

**32) Ask Professor Sprout to marry him at dinner...**

**33) ... and then loudly and graphically tell the whole of the great hall about their daring sexual escapades.**

Even Remus had to laugh at that.

**34) Draw faces on pieces of fruit and then carry them everywhere, claiming that they are his evil minions and that together they will take over the world.**

"I will do it to prove to Remus I have no sanity," said Sirius, "Besides I'd been thinking about doing it for weeks."

**35) Push Remus up against a boiling hot radiator and kiss him, just to see how long it takes Remus to realise that his bum is about to burn.**

"No."

**36) Set Lily's hair on fire to see whether there is any difference between her hair colour and the fire.**

"I wonder..."

"Over my dead body, Siri."

"Jesus... chill James."

**37) Write 'Spooning leads to forking' on Remus' Valentine's Day card.**

**38) Tell James about phone sex and then give him Lily's home number.**

"Even I'm not that cruel."

**39) Attempt to break a glass over Lily's head if she spends more than three hours with Remus in the library.**

**40) Realise that while polishing his wand in the common room is acceptable, 'Polishing his Wand' in the common room is not.**

Sirius started laughing... again

**41) Try to show the class that Minerva McGonagall is ticklish, in a hands-on demonstration.**

"Do it," said James, "I double-dare you."

"... All right," he said

**42) ... and then claim that McGonagall planned the whole thing and that she is sexually harassing him.**

"..."

**43) Put hundreds of rabid skunks in Snape's dorm...**

**44) ... and then state that Snape simply shouldn't have left the window open.**

James got an evil glint in his eye.

**45) Announce to the whole of Hogwarts that he has had loud and crazy sex with a fully transformed werewolf.**

"Ewww..."

**46) Announce to the whole of Hogwarts that he has had loud and crazy sex with a rat.**

"EWWW..."

**47) Announce to the whole of Hogwarts that he has had loud and crazy sex with a stag.**

"Incest much..."

**48) Announce to the whole of Hogwarts that he has had loud and crazy sex with a doughnut.**

"... No comment..."

**49) Tell Dumbledore that he finds his long, _long _beard incredibly erotic...**

**50) ... and then attempt to stroke it seductively.**

"If you don't I will," said James

"Hey Sirius," said Remus handing him back the laptop. "I tink you should read this part because it's in you POV"

"All right," he said and read.

**Oh, his friends thought they were so clever, didn't they?**

"Oh so Pete, Rem, and I made this."

**Sirius stared at the long list, frowning slightly. He had such _wonderful _friends, didn't he?**

**Psht, why on earth would he want to stroke _Dumbledore's beard_? It was simply outrageous!**

**... Although, that would be absolutely _hilarious._**

"We think alike!" cried Sirius

**Sirius grinned suddenly, an idea (oh no) popping into his head. It would be brilliant; it may even scar his lovely werewolf for life.**

"Or not..."

**The dog animagus let out a small, almost hysterical giggle at the imagery of a thoroughly traumatised Remus.**

"Well," he said, "That is a funny sight."

"True," said James

**Well, since they had given him such an adorably annoying present that was _obviously _written by his boyfriend (he'd recognise the handwriting _anywhere_), why not give one back?**

**The dog Animagus cackled slightly as he pulled out a quill from his bag and added-**

"Here Rem," said Sirius, "This is your POV"

**Remus yawned as he stepped through the portrait hole; all that food had made him tired.**

**As he climbed up the stairs to the seventh year dorms, he froze when he heard music. Eyes widening, he ran up the remainder of the stairs, horror creeping up on him when he realised that the song was none other than Baby Got Back. Bursting into the dormitory, he froze when he saw Sirius.**

"This should be good,"

**Dancing.**

**Singing.**

**In _a tight leather mini-skirt._**

James and Remus started laughing at Sirius's disgusted face.

**Remus' mouth dropped open.**

**Oh. Lord.**

Sirius smirked, "I must be quite a turn on, hehe Lupin." He crawled into Remus's lap, "I can tell," he teased.

"Oh shut up," snapped Remus pushing Sirius off of him, blushing all the while.

**Sirius gave an elaborate twirl and then flounced up to the motionless werewolf, grey eyes sparkling mischievously. Wrapping his arms around him, he pulled Remus flush against him.**

**"I loved the present, by the way." He grinned, gesturing at the list. Remus squirmed slightly in Sirius' grasp, the leather making him a tad uncomfortable. The werewolf then squinted at the list, frowning when he saw a number 51) at the bottom of the list in Sirius' messy scrawl.**

**_I swear there were only 50._**

**"I added a little something as a Thank You Present!" Remus looked up at Sirius, biting his bottom lip. Oh, this couldn't be good.**

**"Padfoot... What on earth have you come up with _now_?"**

"Something evil that will give me grey hair," answered Remus

**"Go on, take a look. It's all for you." The dog Animagus smirked.**

**Remus pulled away from him and walked towards the list that was taped onto the bathroom door.**

**_51) Do all of the things on the list because he finds Remus friggin' sexy when he's angry._**

"No not really," said Sirius, "He's scary."

**The werewolf gulped.**

**"S-Sirius? We were only joking..." Turning around, Remus was shocked to see his boyfriend swinging around a... flea collar.**

James laughed so hard he fell of the coach.

**Crap.**

**"Watch out for radiators, Remy baby, 'cause your bum is about to get hot, hot, _hot_."**

Even Sirius had to start laughing at that.

**Double crap.**

"Brilliant," said James, "hey look there are more chapters."

"Maybe she wrote reactions to me doing stuff on the list," smiled Sirius

"Come on," said Remus, "Next chapter already."

"All right," laughed James and he clicked the link.

**...**

**Author Note:**

**What do you think?**


	4. Stalker much?

**Disclaimer: I own NOTHING! Characters go to J.K. Roweling and the bold goes to Marauders-and-Lily-I-Love**

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"Right so…" said Sirius putting the computer down, "I think Remus should read this time."

"All right," he said picking it up and cleared his throat.

_**NUMBER FIVE: ASK THE POTIONS PROFESSOR WHETHER THE DAY'S ASSIGNMENT CAN BE USED AS A SEXUAL LUBRICANT:**_

"This is going to be good," smirked James.

Remus was about to read the next line when he paused, "This is going to have slash."

"And we just have to deal with it," said Sirius, "we have to remember that though these characters act similar to us and share our name, we aren't them."

"I'm just glad it isn't me," said James.

"We'll find a slashy for you to James, just to be fair," said Remus, "Now shush so I can read."

**"Have a seat, everyone! Sit down please!" Professor Slughorn called, ushering the seventh year students to their seats.**

"She even got professor Slughorn right…" Sirius frowned, "You think this author goes to Hogwarts?"

"Maybe…" said James

**Once everyone had unpacked their belongings and had settled, he began. He tapped the blackboard with his wand, causing the professor's curved writing to emerge, forming the word **_**Amortentia.**_

"Great… love potions," frowned Sirius, "Just what I need."

"It's alright," said Remus, "We've gotten better at protecting you from stalkers."

"Don't make them less creepy…"

**"Right, today we will be working on the potion Amortentia. Now, first of all, who knows what this potion actually is?" His eyes immediately found his favorite student, Lily Evans. Slughorn waited expectantly until Lily's hand shot into the air, and was fully prepared to call out her name, when from his peripheral vision, he spotted another arm waving in the air.**

**Confused, he turned his heavy body slightly, surprised when he noted whose arm was in the air. With a raised eyebrow, he acknowledged, "Mr. Black?"**

"Since when do I answer questions?" frowned Sirius

"Eh… maybe you're ill."

**"It's a potent love potion."**

**After a split-second's hesitation, Slughorn's face grew delighted and he bellowed out a laugh. "Well done m' boy! Five points to Gryffindor!"**

**Sirius grinned smugly and leant back in his chair; ignoring Remus' suspicious amber eyes and James' thunderstruck ones (**_**He just willingly answered a question! And he got it **__**right**__**)**_**.**

"What's that mean?" cried Sirius mock-hurt, "Just because I don't act smart all the time doesn't mean I can't answer a bloody question."

"I'm so SORRY!" said James, "Will you ever forgive me?"

Sirius tried to fight back his smile, "I'll try…" and he pretended to wipe away a tear. Then all three of them burst out laughing.

**"And how exactly does it work?" the potions professor asked, eyes again locking on Severus Snape and Lily Evans.**

"He should give other people a chance," frowned Remus

**And again, Sirius' hand lifted up into the air. **

"I really do think you're sick," said James

"Oh shut up," said Sirius, "Remember the title…"

"…OH!"

**Remus frowned at him, "What's wrong with you?" he mouthed, narrowing his eyes at Sirius' nonchalant shrug. James, eyes wide, tried to tug his best friend's arm down.**

**"Stop it!" Sirius hissed.**

**"Since when do you answer questions?" James whispered back, horror coloring his tone.**

"Hmm…" said James, "Computer me and me think alike."

**"Sirius, are you feeling okay?" the werewolf reached out to place the back of his hand on his boyfriend's forehead.**

"NOOOO," cried Remus, "I refuse to think like James,"

"Hey!"

**"I'm **_**fine**_**! Let go of my arm James!" Yanking his arm out of the stag animagus' grip, he raised his hand till it was clearly visible.**

**"Miss Evans?" Slughorn's voice boomed, picking on one of his best students after deciding that maybe Sirius was ill or something equally worrying.**

"And I refuse to think like the Walrus," said James pouting

**"It is recognized by its distinct mother-of-pearl sheen. The potion gives off a different aroma for everyone who smells it; the unique smell reminds the maker of the things they find most attractive."**

**"Excellent! Another five points to Gryffindor!" Lily smiled at Slughorn, eyes sparkling at the praise.**

**"Come on, Padfoot, the question's already been answered (by my lovely Lily...). **

"She is lovely isn't she," sighed James dreamily.

"Whatever, Prongs," said Sirius with a roll of his eyes.

**Put your hand down! **_**Now!**_**" James glared at him. The stag Animagus had a feeling they may have to take a detour to the hospital wing on the way back to the common room. Sirius' behavior was really, **_**really**_**, **_**alarming**_**.**

"It's not THAT rare," frowned Sirius

"Yes it is," cried Sirius and James

**"No," Sirius muttered out of the corner of his mouth, "I need to ask him something. Professor!"**

**Slughorn turned to look at him, frowned and then turned away, thoroughly unsettled. Sirius Black had never, ever, contributed **_**anything**_** useful in **_**any **_**of his lessons. Why was he starting **_**now**_**?**

**"Ugh! He ignored me!" the dog Animagus mumbled, irritated. Still, he kept a smile on his face and his hand in the air. "Professor! I **_**really**_** need to ask you something!"**

Sirius smiled and James and they both started chuckling evilly.

**Slughorn glanced back at the young Black, sighing resignedly, "What is it, Mr. Black?"**

**"I just wanted to ask you-" Sirius began.**

**"Black, are you ill?" the potions professor couldn't help but let the words slip from his mouth. **

The trio burst out laughing. That was too priceless.

**Snape sniggered, glaring maliciously at the three Marauders… Who glared right back.**

**"No, professor! Believe me, I'm **_**fine**_**." he replied eagerly. And then with a poker straight face, he asked, "can Amortentia be used as a lubricant?"**

Remus groaned and James started laughing. Sirius sat back with a smug grin.

**"... What?" Slughorn spluttered, sincerely hoping Black didn't mean it in the way he thought he did.**

**"As in, in sexual activities... You know, like sexual lubricant...?" Sirius smiled cheekily at him, disregarding the horrified, **_**mortified **_**(Remus) and positively gleeful expressions (James) next to him.**

"Funny how the same thing is happening right now," pointed out Sirius.

**The entire class was still and silent, watching the exchange with shock and surprise. Everybody knew that Sirius Black had guts... but **_**this**_**... He'd just better thank God that Slughorn wasn't as strict as McGonagall...**

"Very lucky,"

**"Mr. Black! I cannot even begin to tell you how inappropriate-"**

**"'Cause Remus and me... sometimes we can't find the lube... and well-**

"I'm sorry," said Remus, "But… EWWWWW!"

**Mmphf!" Remus clapped a hand on Sirius' big, stupid, **_**stupid**_** mouth. While the poor werewolf was scarlet with humiliation, irritation shone brightly in his eyes.**

**"I'm ever so sorry, Professor. Sirius fell off of his bed this morning and I think he banged his head particularly hard... **

"Doing what," asked James innocently.

The two puppies blushed scarlet.

**We'll get him to the hospital wing as soon as possible." Remus stared up at the professor imploringly, keeping his hand clamped on Sirius' lips, trying to ignore the tongue licking his palm.**

**The werewolf turned his head to glare at Sirius, communicating his annoyance through his eyes.**

_**I'm warning you, Sirius!**_

**Sirius cocked his head to the side, biting the inside of Remus' fingers lightly, his grey eyes sparkling cheekily.**

_**I love you too, Remy baby!**_

**Remus' eyes narrowed.**

_**Any more misbehavior, I will **__**hurt **__**you... **_

"You know," said James, "We do that all the time, but I never thought anyone was able to tell…"

"I think Marauder-and-Lily-I-love may be one of our stalkers." Said Remus

"It makes sense seeing as she knows so much," said Sirius

**"It's fine, Mr. Lupin... just keep Black under control, please..." Slughorn cleared his throat uncertainly and waddled back to the front of the classroom, trying to regain some control of the situation.**

**Remus lowered his hand slowly and wiped his wet hand on his trousers. "You are disgusting!" He hissed, trying desperately to get Sirius' saliva off his palm. James simply sniggered, shaking his head at his friend's craziness.**

**"Brilliant, mate!" The stag animagus clapped him on the back. "I'm proud of you!"**

"And so am I," said James

"Thanks,"

**"What can I say, Prongs? I'm just brilliant... but I suppose I shouldn't take **_**all **_**the credit... after all it **_**was **_**Remus' idea." Sirius grinned at his boyfriend and best friend, reaching into his bag to pull out a piece of parchment boldly titled, '50 Things Sirius Black Is Not Allowed To Do'.**

**James guffawed loudly, almost drowning out the rhythmical sound of Remus' head crashing into table over and over again.**

The trio started laughing.

Then Mrs. Potter walked in, "Boy's dinner is ready."

James wiped the tears from his eyes, "K, we'll be right in."

"Hurry, we don't want it to get cold."

Remus closed the laptop and followed Sirius and James into the kitchen laughing and chatting loudly.

* * *

**Author Note:**

**Reviews are treasured!**


	5. Chapter 5

**I have made a new account called TheAngystQueen. It will be for more mature fics (M). Please, if you are mature enough, come check me out. Also, my fanfics "What the Hell is Fanfiction?" And "Shit Happens" will be moved to this new account in two or three days because they are M in rating. **

**Thank You**

**Vampirerule (aka HM)**

**And Now**

**TheAngystQueen (aka HM)**


	6. Squishy!

**Disclaimer: I own nothing**

**Warning: Slash and Stupidity**

* * *

"James your mom is an ah-mazing cook." Groaned Sirius. Remus hummed happily in agreement.

James nodded in agreement and then pointed at the computer. "You want to continue."

"Why not," said Sirius.

James picked up the laptop and read,

**NUMBER 7: DELIBERATELY INVITE MOANING MYRTLE TO THE PREFECT'S BATHROOM WHILE HE AND REMUS ARE 'BATHING' TOGETHER.**

"No" said Remus, "I draw the line at actually reading us do… it."

Sirius nodded his head.

"No complaints here," said James as he clicked to move to the next chapter. He waited a bit and then smiled evilly, "This is going to good."

**NUMBER 12: TRANSFIGURE REMUS INTO A PUPPY AND NAME HIM 'SQUISHY'.**

Sirius smiled, "Brilliant."

Remus groaned, "_Great_."

**"Mr. Black, what in God's name is that?"**

**"Why, my lovely professor, he's a **_**puppy**_**! Isn't he sweet?" Sirius Black lifted up the white, fluffy puppy on the chair next to him and placed it on his desk. The puppy had soft droopy ears and large, bright amber eyes. **

"Awwww," cooed the two boys as Remus tried to beat himself to death with a pillow.

**The poor thing was tiny and its fur was adorably messy and tousled. Soft 'awww's were drawn from each and every girl as the puppy curled into a small ball on the desk so its eyes were focused on Sirius.**

"You're so cute," cooed Sirius, "I may just transform you permanently."

"If you dare…"

**"Why is it in my lesson, Mr. Black?" Professor McGonagall ignored the puppy, staring sternly at the young Black.**

**"Because... If I leave him on his own... he'll get sad." Sirius' long fingers threaded through the fur softly as he picked him up and held him gently against his chest so the puppy was facing the transfiguration teacher. **

James snorted, "No one would stand a chance."

**Professor McGonagall stared at the wide amber eyes in her line of sight and sniffed slightly in annoyance. There was no way she'd be able to throw out something that...that... **_**cute**_**...**

"I am not cute goddamn it!"

**"Fine, Mr. Black. But any disruptions, **_**both **_**of you are getting detention." Black nodded, grinning cheekily.**

**The puppy wriggled out of Black's grip and leapt lightly on the desk. As McGonagall turned slightly, she could have **_**sworn**_** that the puppy was giving Black the evils.**

"I probably hate you right now,"

"Obviously"

**"Hehe. You're a pretty good puppy, Moony. Maybe I should keep you like this."**

"Weird, we think the same!"

"Dog freaks," coughed James and then cried out in surprise when he was smacked with a pillow.

**"Grrrrrr."**

**"Ouch! Don't bite- **_**Oww!**__**Stop that or I'll leave you alone in a room full of first year girlies**_**!"**

James snorted as Remus started to cower in fear.

**"Mr Black, what is it that you have there?"**

**"A Puppy, Professor Flitwick." Sirius replied, lifting the scrabbling puppy from his bag and plopping it gently on his desk. "Name's Squishy."**

**Flitwick raised an eyebrow, making his way over to the pair. "And, er, why is he here?"**

**"I just thought maybe you'd feel better if there was someone smaller than you in the classroom."**

Sirius started laughing, shortly followed by Remus and James. It took a few minutes for them to relax again.

**The Black heir answered cheekily, smirking at the teacher. At this, the puppy growled at Sirius, baring his tiny teeth.**

**"**_**Black**_**!" Lily hissed in shock and anger; how could anyone be so **_**rude**_**? **

"Easy, be me."

**Sirius dismissed her with a wave of his hand.**

**"Mr Black, one more 'short' comment like that and you're getting detention." The charms professor snapped. "**_**Both **_**of you."**

**The puppy's snarls grew in volume when the little ball of fur heard this statement.**

**Jumping on Sirius and attempting to kill him, 'Squishy' soon realised, did not help matters at all. Many of the girls seemed to believe that this hostility shown towards his 'master' (a term Sirius snickered heartily at) **

"Of course you did."

James frowned, "You know we still haven't established who'd top."

Sirius and Remus shook their heads, "Obviously Pads/Moony."

The two glared at each other.

"Okay then," James aid softly starting to read again.

**was caused by having a **_**particularly**_** violent 'owner'. The poor puppy was soon declared as being 'Sirius-ly abused'**

"AHHH," cried Remus, "Not the pun! Not the dreaded pun!"

Sirius chuckled cruely

**(surprisingly enough, Sirius also found this absolutely hilarious) and by the end of the lesson most of the girls had attempted to kidnap him.**

**Sirius, the smug bastard that he was**

"I am, I know."

**, simply **_**accio**_**ed him back, catching him easily in his arms.**

**It was safe to say that 'Squishy' was planning a very cruel revenge on his 'master'.**

**"Sirius, do you know where Remus is? It's not like him **_**at all **_**to miss **_**two **_**lessons!"**

**"He's feeling horribly ill James. He's in the dorms, snoring his cute little head off."**

"I am NOT cute."

"Yes you are," said James and Sirius.

**"Oh... What's wrong with him?"**

**"You know, it was full moon three days ago... Still recovering."**

"Three days is a long time to recover." Frowned Remus

**"Oh. Ok... Hope he gets better, then..."**

Sirius snorted, "Can't believe you bought that."

**"Hmm."**

**"Um, one more thing. Where on **_**earth **_**did you get the **_**puppy **_**from?"**

**"Remus."**

**"...But-"**

**"Bye, James."**

**"Can I just tell you, Mr Black, that it is quite dangerous to have such small animals in the potions laboratory?"**

**"Sorry, professor Slughorn. But, you see, he has nowhere to go..." Sirius shoved 'Squishy' in Slughorn's face, both canines' eyes large and sorrowful (but for completely different reasons). **

"That is just cruel," groaned James who had been on the receiving end of both of the canine's puppy eye.

**Sirius knew that the potions professor would completely melt when he saw the little fluff-ball.**

**"Ah... Um. Fine. Just don't let him near the cauldrons. You don't want him falling in, do you?" **

"If I do…"

**Slughorn rested his hands on his gelatinous belly and turned away to the blackboard so he could start the lesson.**

**Sirius pulled the puppy close to him so they were almost nose to nose. "Hey, baby. Be careful, won't you, love? Wouldn't want your lovely fur to be ruined by the evil potions, eh?" his whispered, grinning when his little puppy tried to bite his nose off. Hmmm. Remus was going to kill him later.**

"You know I will."

**He **_**should **_**be scared, but the struggling puppy in his hands was simply too adorable to be remotely frightened of. Remus, on the other hand, was a completely different story...**

**Oh well.**

**It was totally worth it.**

'It is."

**"Squishy? Squishy? James! He's **_**gone**_**!"**

"YOU LOST ME!"

**"I swear he was next to your cauldron!"**

**"No! He's not **_**there**_**! James, I **_**need**_** to find him!"**

**"He's probably still here somewhere. Calm down!"**

**"No! You don't understand- SNAPE! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH MY PUPPY?"**

"EWWWW!" cried James, "You're probably covered in grease."

Remus pulled a disgusted face.

**Sirius leapt out of his seat and practically flew over to the Slytherin's desk, on which his poor puppy was quivering. His wand was out and pointing at the Slytherin as he scooped up 'Squishy' in an arm. Sirius had no idea what Snape was about to do to his puppy, but whatever it was, it couldn't have been good.**

**He slipped 'Squishy' inside his cloak, making sure it was securely wrapped around him.**

**"Mr Black, return to your seat immediately!"**

"But he tried to hurt my puppy."

**Professor Slughorn waddled up to them, brow creased in a frown. Oh, no, the potions professor wasn't just going to stand there while one of his favorite students got hexed over a puppy.**

**"But professor-" Sirius protested, smoky grey eyes furious.**

**"No buts, Black. Go back to your seat. The potion is very dangerous and it wouldn't do to have any accidents. Would it?"**

"Favoritism much," snorted James

"You don't seem to mind when it's directed at you though."

"Completely different story."

Remus just rolled his eyes.

**Sirius threw an outraged glare at the greasy Slytherin and then stalked back to his desk, vowing silently to himself to get revenge. Pulling out 'Squishy' from his cloak, he placed him on his lap, glaring around at the still and silent classroom.**

_**How dare Snape even touch him! Ugh. My poor baby. **_

**The puppy lifted a paw and slipped it into Sirius' large hand. Then, 'Squishy' nuzzled his soft head into Sirius' stomach, smiling a small doggy smile when he lifted it up again.**

"Awwwwwwwwww" cooed the boys and even Remus had to agree he was cute.

**"Sorry 'bout that, Moony. Snape won't ever touch you again. Did he do anything? Are you okay? Are you hurt? Do you want me to hex him? How are you feeling? Do you wanna just sleep in my bag for a while? Do you wanna play fetch or something? Do you wanna eat something? Moon-**

**"Grrrrr."**

**"...Um... Err... Love ya."**

**"Pads... Why does Squishy have an eye-patch?"**

Sirius burst out laughing at the image as Remus glared at him full force.

**"He be a **_**pirate**_**, me matey. Ye be gettin' me some rum now, me laddie. Arrrr..."**

**"Shiver me timbers! Yer pirate voice is crap, ye scurvy dog!"**

James started laughing as well and Remus had to take the computer to keep on reading.

**"Sirius, why are there bright pink ribbons in Squishy's fur?"**

You could hear the laughter in Remus's voice as he read even if he was the victom.

**"Why, he's a ballerina my dear Prongs."**

**"Um... Why is Squishy wearing a kilt?"**

**"He's **_**Scottish**_**, Prongs, honestly!"**

**"My Scottish accent is **_**way **_**better than yours."**

"Is not."

"Is too."

"Is not."

"GUYS!"

**"Is not."**

**"Is too."**

**"Is not."**

**"Is too."**

**"Is not."**

**"Is too."**

Remus sighed, "So predictable."

**James wondered into the boys' dorm to see Sirius sitting with 'Squishy', pulling a brush through his fur.**

**"Sirius, you've lost it."**

**Sirius looked up at him innocently, cocking his head to the side. "Lost what? Squishy is right here."**

**"Your mind. You've lost your **_**mind!**_

Remus snorted, "He had had to have it to lose it James."

James shrugged, "I guess."

Sirius pouted, "I blame the incest."

**You've finally gone crazy. And you've betrayed me! You've left me all alone in 'The World of the Sane' while you're off in some crazy parallel world where it's normal to dress up puppies as pirates and ballerinas!"**

"You're not that sane either, Prongs."

"Oh shut up and read."

**"Aw. Come join me! It's fun!" Sirius beckoned James closer, gesturing towards the seat next to him. The stag Animagus inched nearer, narrowing his eyes. Sirius was crazy, yes, but this was way over the line. That poor puppy was probably traumatized enough.**

**"Where's Remus by the way?" James looked over to their wolfy friend's bed, surprised when it was empty.**

**"Probably at the hospital wing." The dog Animagus shrugged, not looking up from primping 'Squishy's' fur.**

**"You know," James frowned, "you're acting as though you couldn't care less that your boyfriend is ill! You **_**should **_**be visiting him, but **_**noooo **_**you're here dressing up a puppy!"**

**"Rem won't mind."**

**Whilst James and Sirius had been chatting, 'Squishy' had leapt off of Sirius' lap and trotted over to Remus' bed. He hopped up onto it and burrowed under the covers, letting out a soft doggy sigh. Maybe, if he slept a little bit, things would go back to normal.**

"No day is ever normal at Hogwarts," sighed Remus melodramatically.

"I know, isn't it great," smiled James

Remus just sighed.

**"Good morning, Moony!"**

**"Leave me 'lone... Bleaughh...Whossat?"**

**"Me! Your lovely, gorgeous, amazing, sexy boyfriend!"**

**"...Sirius?"**

**"...Remus... why are you looking at me like that?... **

"In what way?" asked James wiggling an eyebrow.

Sirius and Remus went beat red.

**M-moony...?"**

**"**_**Squishy**_**."**

"I'm soooo pissed."

**"M-m-moony-"**

**"**_**Squishy**_**?"**

**"Please, listen to me-"**

**"Sirius. I. Am. Going. To. KILL. YOU!"**

**"ARGH!"**

Remus was now laughing evilly as Sirius cowered in a corner.

**"**_**I wish I still had my paws so I could scratch your bloody eyes out! **_

**Ack, sorry James! **

_**Sirius Black, get your fucking arse here right now! I am going to murder you, torture you, kill you, slaughter you and then **__**feed you to the flobberworms**__**!"**_

At the last time everyone burst out laughing. Even Sirius despite his total fear of Remus at that point.

"Next!" cried James. Remus nodded and clicked the button for the next chapter.

* * *

**Author Note"**

**Thanks for reading, but remember to review.**

**And go check out my new account TheAngystQueen!**

**Lots of Hugs**

**Hm**


	7. Lily likes Porn?

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. The bold is all Marauders-And_Lily_I-Love and the characters are J.. **

* * *

"Okay," said Remus clearing his throat, "This one is…"

**NUMBER 14 AND 15: STEAL LILY'S BRAS... AND THEN FORCE JAMES WEAR THE SEXIEST ONE OVER HIS ROBES:**

"Oh this is going to be GOOD!" sneered Sirius

Remus had an odd twinkle in his eye, "Baby back is soooo sweet…"**  
****  
"Potter! Why the hell are you wearing one of my bras?"**

"I hate you Pads," moaned James, "This is NOT going to end well…"

**"I don't know, Lily! I just woke up this morning... and it was just **_**there.**_**" James tugged at the lacy material atop his robes. The more he thought about it, he actually liked the way the white fabric contrasted with his black robes. It was rather flattering...**

Sirius snorted, "And Moons and I are the gay ones…"

James glared.

**This morning had been terrible. The young Potter had woken up to the sun filtering in through the curtains. As he stretched his long, muscled limbs, his hand had brushed across his chest... And his head had snapped down to stare. Then, there was chaos.**

**"Give me back my bra!" Lily screeched, hypnotic jade eyes flashing furiously.**

**"It's not coming off!" **

"Hate. You." Snarled James

Sirius just smiled smugly

**The messy haired young Gryffindor yanked the bra away from the robes, only to have it snap right back into place. A small smile played at the corner of his mouth; Lily was **_**hot**_** when she was mad...**

"She is, she really is," sighed James, "She seems to glow and her eyes twinkle and…"

"Remus, keep reading!" cried Sirius

**"You git! I can't believe you charmed my bra!" Reaching out, she snatched her stolen underwear and pulled. It was no use. The stupid thing didn't budge. Bugger.**

**"I **_**didn't**_**... By the way, it is rather sexy... Don't you think it suits me?" James flashed her a grin and then twirled elaborately, winking at the redhead.**

"Why James?" asked Remus

"I think that there might be something, like her perfume, that drugs James into acting like a complete idiot," said Sirius, "It makes the most sense."

"No," said . The three boys jumped in surprise.

"Dad?' cried James, "How long have you been there?"

"The last few lines," he replied, "I wonder who wrote this, though"

"We figured it's a stalker form Hogwarts." Said Sirius.

"That makes sense," nodded Mr. Potter, "But like I was saying, James just doesn't have any skills with the ladies."

"Dad!" cried James as the other two laughed. "Ugh, just keep reading…"

**"I'm going to kill you!" In a millisecond, her wand was pulled out of her pocket and pointed at James' chest.**

"Oh, this is when it gets good," smirked Remus

"Come sit down. Mr. Potter," invited Sirius, "The hexes Lily throws…" He smiled evilly, "Well, you'll see."

"I hate you. I hate you. I hate you," chanted James under his breath as he feared for his digital-self.

**"Nah, you won't." He smirked. "You might ruin the bra. And we wouldn't want that, would we?"**

**"Oh, I so, **_**so **_**will. Just you wait." She stepped closer, the tension between them sparking and fizzing uncontrollably.**

**"You won't."**

**"Will."**

**"Won't, won't, **_**won't**_**."**

"You really now haw to push her buttons," said Mr. Potter

"She's hot when she's pissed," defended James

**"Ugh, stop being so childish!" Running a hand through her hair, she suppressed the desperate urge to stamp her feet and stick out her tongue. Obviously, that would completely contradict what she had just said, so she refrained from this behavior.**

**"Hmphf. You know, I was quite surprised at the size... I thought you'd be bigger than a-"**

**"YOU DARE READ OUT MY SIZE AND I WILL KILL YOU POTTER!"**

"Idiot…"

"DAD. LEAVE!" cried James

"All right, all right," Mr. Potter said putting his hands in the air in mock surrender, "I'm going." Then he left the room.

**"Sirius, what did you do this time? You have that look on your face." Remus looked up at his boyfriend, frowning at the smirk on his aristocratic face.**

**"I didn't do anything." Said his boyfriend who smoothed out his features, rearranging them into an innocent smile.**

"Which even in real life I never believe," snorted Remus, "If you are one thing Sirius is NOT is innocent.

**"Yes, you did. Now don't lie to me. Remember, I have yet to get revenge for the 'Squishy' episode." **

"I must have something big planned," mused Remus

Sirius gulped in fear.

**The werewolf shivered; that was something he never, ever wanted to go through ever again. Ever.**

Remus glared at Sirius who then proceeded to make himself invisible.

**"Aw come on, you were adorable as a puppy." Sirius couldn't help but plant a small kiss on the honey eyed boy's nose;**

"Honey?" asked Remus

"Nah, I think this lady finally got something wrong other then the whole gay thing," said Sirius, "Your eyes are more amber then honey."

"Agreed." Nodded James

**he never seen such an adorable puppy in all his life until 'The Day in Which Remus Walked on All Fours'.**

**"That's not the point. So, tell me, what did you do?" Crap. Remus had donned the 'Stern Prefect' disposition. This was **_**bad**_**. The werewolf knew that Sirius would do **_**anything**_** when he heard the Voice. And that shameless poof was exploiting that knowledge to the fullest! Evil Prefect.**

"Whipped," muttered James

Sirius rolled his eyes, "At least my story-self is whipped for someone I'm dating Mister Idiot-Who-Will-Listen-To-Anything-The-Girl-Who-Hates-Him-Says."

"That's very long," said Remus, "We should shorten it to Mister IWWLAHHS"

"I am not, EWAWHLASHS" cried James

"What?" asked Sirius.

"Ugh, never mind!"

**"...IcharmedoneofLily'sbrastostickonJames'robesfortherestoftheday." The Animagus mumbled.**

"I have no clue how to pronounce that," cried Remus

"Let me see," said Sirius. He took the laptop and read the line, "…Just skip it…"

**"Sorry, didn't quite catch that."**

**"I charmed one of Lily's bras to stick on James' robes for the rest of the day."**

**"Oh Sirius, you didn't." Sighing, Remus shook his head, closing his book and standing up.**

**"Of course I did, babe." Sirius' voice grew cheerful and he wrapped an arm around his boyfriend's slim waist.**

"I do not have a slim waist," cried Remus, "This author makes me look like a girl!"

"I guess we now know who tops," smirked Sirius

"On no," cried Remus who then proceeded to pin Sirius down. He smirked and lowered his head so his lips were only inches from Sirius's, "I assure you Pads that you would never top," and then he licked the top of Sirius's nose and got off.

James decided to ignore what had just happened and continued to read.

**"You've just signed his death wish; you realise that don't you?" Remus leaned up slightly, his soft breath skating over the taller man's jaw. Their eyes met; Remus' resigned and yet somewhat filled with mirth, Sirius' playful and intense. They stood like that for a few long seconds, breaths mingling and hearts beating in unison, until a cheeky smile stretched across Remus' lips and he pulled away, leaving Sirius slightly dazed from that unusually strong connection.**

"See," smirked Remus

Sirius didn't say anything. He just blushed.

**"...Mmm-Hmmm..."**

**Sirius couldn't care less.**

**A kiss was in order.**

"I can just hear the fangirls screaming," snorted James

**"Moony! Save me! Lily's going to kill me! Please, hide me!"**

"YAY!" cried Remus, "Now we get to the hexing!"

**James charged into the dorms, eyes wide and panicked. He didn't seem to care much that he had just interrupted one of 'Moony and Padfoot's Super Duper Yummy Sex Sessions'.**

"…or not…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"EWWWW!" cried three voices.

"Do you want to continue reading?" asked James who was now looking slightly green.

Remus pouted, "I want to see you hexed."

"So then…is it okay to keep reading?" asked James

"Pads?" asked Remus

"We'll finally know who tops," joked Sirius feebily. James frowned and decided to talk to Sirius after they go to bed.

**"MOONY! HELP!"**

**The werewolf froze in his ministrations, letting his head fall on Sirius' shoulder. Sighing breathily, he unwound himself from his lover, raising a flushed face and lust-filled eyes to their best friend.**

"I TOP! I TOP! I TOP! I TOP!" cried Remus who was jumping around a very red Sirius

James started to laugh and Sirius just but his face in his hands to hid his blush.

A few minutes later, Remus finally sat down.

"Remind me to tell my mom not to give you fourth helpings of desert," laughed James

"No, I won't" smirked Remus

**"Get in the bathroom and stay quiet." Remus said through gritted teeth, pointing towards the door in the corner of the room, ignoring the petulant whine from his lover at the loss of contact.**

"...why would the author know how you're like in bed?" mused Remus

"Probably dated her," said Sirius

"That doesn't really narrow the list down much," snorted James

**"Oh, thank you, thank you." If the stag Animagus hadn't been in such a hurry, he was sure that he would have thrown himself at Moony's feet in gratitude. But Lily was on her way, and he wasn't feeling particularly suicidal. Not to mention the fact that he was pretty naked right now... on **_**James' **_**bed? **

James started laughing evilly as Remus and Sirius quaked in fear. Oh, they still remembered the first story they had read.

**What was it with those two and fucking on **_**his**_** bed? Oh he was going to-**

**"JAMES POTTER-"**

_**Fuck!**_** James sprinted into the bathroom, slamming the door behind him.**

**Lily froze when she saw the two boys on the bed.**

**Whoa…**

**They were **_**hot**_**. **

"WHAT?"

_**Really **_**hot.**

"So Lily's into porn?" said Sirius

"Interesting…"

**Her jaw dropped... What was Sirius **_**doing**_**? Was that his **_**hand**_**? What on earth? What was it doing **_**there**_**?**

"I am so glad she is being so vague…" said James

"Us too."

**Oh… Right…**

**It was crazy, she had never, ever seen Remus so... **_**dominant.**_** Lily was looking at Remus in a completely different light; **_**forget **_**sweet, innocent Remus... that image had been totally shattered.**

"Remus is not sweet and innocent." Snorted James

"It's amazing how well you have everyone at Hogwarts fooled," said Sirius

"Thank you."  
_**  
Get back on track, Lily. You're here to kill James! Not to ogle Black and Remus while they... do 'it'. **_

"…The mental images,"

**"Remus! Tell me where Potter is!" She strode to the two boys, blushing furiously and trying desperately to keep her eyes trained on their faces. Without even looking up, he pointed to the bathroom.**

**"Thank you." Turning to march towards it, she stopped when Remus said in a throaty voice:**

**"It wasn't - **_**Ack... Ngh**_**... **_**Pads **_**- his fault. Sirius – **_**hmmm**_**... **_**again!**_**... - was just having a bit of a laugh."**

"EWWW!"

**"**_**Black**_**?"**

**"I...Er... H-hey Evans... Um... **_**Remus**_**! I c-can't concentrate!"**

**"Padfoot, **_**apologise**_**." Remus stopped sucking on Sirius' pale neck and smirked down at him, his tawny locks sticking to his forehead. Shivering delightfully at the tone of his lover's voice, Sirius shook his head, pouting slightly.**

"I don't want to read this," groaned Sirius.

"Stop being so prude," joked Remus

**"No!"**

**"Padfoot, apologise **_**now**_**." Leaning down, Remus bit down Sirius' bottom lip roughly, drawing out another soft moan. The werewolf sat up straight, slapping his boyfriend's hair-sprinkled thigh lightly. A warning.  
**_**  
Do as I say, Mr Padfoot. Or else.**_

**"Wait, so, Black stole my bra?"**

**"Yup."**

**"L-L-Lily... S-sorry...Please don't...don't kill me! **_**Remus, s-stop tha-"**_

**"SHUT UP BLACK! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU! YOU HAVE NO RIGHT-" All of a sudden, she couldn't bring herself to care that she was they were having sex. How dare they have sex? Black had stolen her bra! He shouldn't be **_**allowed **_**to have sex!**

**"Lily, if I ...er... **_**punish**_** him sufficiently, will you forgive him?"**

"…"

"…"

"Wait, are you offering punishment sex?" asked Sirius

"Apparently," said Remus

"My, my," said Sirius, "I didn't know you liked it like that Moons…"

**Sirius gulped.**

"So this isn't a first time either…"

**Amber eyes met emerald, reassuring her that everything would be taken care of. Maybe not in the way she liked (Punishment sex?), but she trusted Remus would sort him out. After all, Sirius was a wimp when it came to his lover.**

"HAH!" cried James

"At least I'm getting some," snapped Sirius

**"You can go and kill James if you like. I just thought I'd let you know who was really responsible."**

**"Thanks, Remus! Carry on, you guys. I need to pay a visit to the bathroom." Eyes glinting, she strode to the door, pushing it open and stalking inside.**

**"You're so mean, Moony."**

**"Hey! You should be happy, you ungrateful git. You're only getting punishment sex and maybe a spanking, James is getting **_**murdered**_**."**

**"Eh."**

**"HOW COME HE GETS PUNISHMENT **_**SEX**_**?"**

**"BECAUSE!"**

**"CAN I HAVE PUNISHMENT SEX TOO? WITH YOU?"**

**"NEVER!"**

"Oh how I wish," joked James

"Did not need that image," said Sirius with a shiver.

"Do you want to finish this story or move on because…" asked Remus

"The last chapter was kinda scarring," finished James

"We can go back if we want," said Sirius.

The other two nodded and James clicked the back button until they were at the homepage for Harry Potter fanfiction.

"What next?" he asked

"Now we do some slashy for Jamsie boy," smirked Sirius, "How about…"

* * *

**Author Note:**

**Hi,**

**So I'm leaving the ****50 things Sirius Black Is Not Allowed To Do**** and will be starting a new story reading for the Marauders. Not that I don't adore this story, but I think that I've done enough commentary for it and there are so many stories to chose from that I really do want to move on.**

**That doesn't mean you shouldn't finish it. It really is hilarious. In fact, I encourage you to finish it because Marauders-And—Lily-I-Love is a truly talented right. I 3 everything she does! The link is www (dot) fanfiction (dot) net/s/5224717/1/50_Things_Sirius_Black_Is_Not_Allowed_To_Do.**

**If you have any suggestions on what they should read next then please tell me in your review. **

**Thanks **

**HM**


	8. Twin Fun

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. The bold is all ****PenonPaperFingersonKeys ****and the characters are J. k. Rowelling **

* * *

**(The last Chapter)**

_"Do you want to finish this story or move on because…" asked Remus_

_"The last chapter was kind of scarring," finished James_

_"We can go back if we want," said Sirius._

_The other two nodded and James clicked the back button until they were at the homepage for Harry Potter fanfiction._

_"What next?" he asked_

_"Now we do some slashy for Jamsie boy," smirked Sirius, "How about…"_

* * *

**What the HELL is fanfiction?**

**Chapter 3: 50 Boundaries**

* * *

"…This one?" asked Remus cutting in, "Boundaries?"

James read the summary, "That sounds pretty cool and it's about me and Sirius!"

"Awe," whined Sirius, "I thought we were going to do some slash for James?"

"Who knows maybe it is?" joked Remus

James wrinkled his nose, "Ewww! Incest much."

Remus rolled his eyes, "James…"

"Boys!" cried Mrs. Potter, "Come to bed!"

"In a minute Mom!" called James, "Let's just read the story, K? We don't have much time."

"All right," agreed the two puppies.

James clicked the link and then cleared his throat and began to read

**Boundaries**

**Lily stared blankly at James and Sirius who were dancing wildly around the room, hands on each other's hips and eyes closed. **

Remus smirked over at Sirius whose face was tinted a slight green.

**Raising a hand to her mouth, Lily gaped at the two of them. Beside her Remus shook his head sadly.**

"Ugh…who else am I paired with?" cried Sirius.

"I'll check," said James and he pressed the back button. Then he went through the lists of stories reading off the names, "Remus, Me (still grossed), Remus, Remus, Remus (WOW a lot of Remus), Regulas (What is with these people and incest?), Bellatrix (poor you), a made up character, Remus, Snape… (EWWWWW! You poor thing! The sex must suck.), Malfoy (again EW), Remus, Lily… (Over my dead body), Harry Potter (I really want to know who this kid is), Regulas, Malfoy, Malfoy, and Remus, made up character…etc, etc…"

"So," frowned Remus, "You're pretty much the fanfiction whore?"

"Why are half of those gay couples?" cried Sirius

"You poor thing," said Remus, "Now back to the story!"

"K," said James and clicked the link.

**"It's okay, Lily…We eventually get used to it."**

**Lily nodded dumbly and let Remus lead her to the couch on the opposite side of the common room and plunked down into the seat.**

**"Oh my god," she said, a phrase that seemed to sum her up entirely.**

"It can't be that bad," cried Sirius, "I mean we're just dancing!"

"With his hands on your hips," Remus snickered, "Dancing…"

"Oh thanks," gagged Sirius, "Like I really need to remember that."

"You know," smirked James, "Sirius, you're the girl…for both of us."

"I am not!" cried Sirius, blushing.

"My hands on your hips," smirked James

"UGH!"

**"I know," Remus said, patting her arm softly.**

**"Just…"**

**"I know."**

**Lily looked to Remus her eyes wide: "Am I the only one worried about them?"**

**"No," Remus smiled,**

"HEY!" cried the two boys

**Glancing over to his two best mates who were still dancing together.**

**"**_**God**_**. Is it normal to be scared if my **_**boyfriend**_

"I date Evens," cried James who jumped up and started dancing, "I date Evens, I date Evens, I date Evens."

Sirius and Remus laughed as James jumped around the room. Ten minutes later he finally sat down, smiling stupidly.

–**Who is very much **_**in love **_**with me- is going to run off with his best mate? **

"HAHA!" cried Sirius, "We are not in a real relationship. Lily's just overacting!"

"THANK GOD!" cried James

**'Cause I don't think that's normal!" Lily cried, throwing her hands in the air.**

**"What's not-"**

**"-normal?"**

"Oh no," groaned Remus, "You're doing the twin thing."

"I don't know," started James

"-what you're talking about," finished Sirius

**Lily's mouth swung open again as she looked at James and Sirius, who were now standing, arms slung over each other's shoulders, in front of Remus and Lily, in shock.**

**"You did **_**not **_**just finish each other's sentence! There has to be **_**boundaries**_**! It's **_**creepy**_**!"**

"It is not," defended James and Sirius

"Uh, yeah," snorted Remus, "It kind of is."

**James and Sirius looked over at each other and shrugged. James said casually, "I don't think-"**

**"-it's creepy," Sirius finished, grinning.**

"It really isn't," said James

"You guys just take it as creepy," continued Sirius

Remus groaned

**Lily glared and stood suddenly, crossing her arms over her chest. "I have fantasies about you two running away together, that's how bad it is."**

**James and Sirius looked at each other, again. "Where would we go?" James asked curiously, cocking his head to the side slightly.**

"I am doing this to antagonize her," smiled James, "And she's not hexing me!"

**"Ooh...I've always wanted to go to the Christmas Islands!"**

"Why?" asked Remus

"Sounds cool," shrugged Sirius

**"That's a great idea, Padfoot!"**

**Lily moaned and sunk back down into the couch, feeling rather tired of her boyfriend and his (too) close best friend.**

Remus smirked cruelly, "Oh poor Lils."

"I get together with lily," smiled James, "I officially love this writer!"

"I'm just glad she didn't make us gay," smiled Sirius, "I don't think I could take it."

James nodded.

"Time for bed," groaned Remus as he shut the laptop down and put it on the coffee table.

"Well that was interesting." Smiled James

"It was," nodded Sirius as they all got up and left to go to bed.

* * *

**Author Note:**

**THIS IS NOT OVER! **

**I promise that there will be more! (To think this started out as a two-shot story and then I just had to continue it…XD)**

**I love this story. Know you guys have to tell me what they want to read (Remember it has to be complete).**

**Lots of Hugs**

**HM**

**PS: REVIEW**


	9. Orange Omelet

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. The bold is all ****Meli Wolf ****and the characters are J. k. Rowling.**

**What the HELL is Fanfiction?**

**Chapter: Who's Harry's Mama?****  


* * *

**

"UP!" cried Sirius as he jumped onto James's bed, "UP! GET UP!"

James cried out in surprise and fell off of the bed in a tangle of limps and covers, "Sirius!" he cried, "What the hell?"

Sirius crackled evilly, "Come on, James, you mums made breakfast. Everyone's up, but you."

James pouted, "You could have woken me up better!"

"James, he's been doing is since third years. He's never going to stop," called Remus with a laugh.

James stuck his tongue out at Remus childishly before collecting himself and following his friends down.

"What's this mom?" asked James as he looked at the omelet his mother had just served him; it was a rather strange orange color.

"Oh, Sirius just helped me with this spicy omelet his mother makes for him," said Mrs. Potter, gesturing at Sirius who had already dug in to his omelet like a starving man.

Remus (being the Gryffindor that he was) shrugged and took a bit. It couldn't be that bad. Slowly his face turned a slight red and he spat the chunk off egg into his napkin, "HOT!" he screamed, "  
Hot, hot, hot, hot!"

"Well, yeah," said Sirius, "It has Chinese hot oil and stuff in it,"

James pushed away his plate, eyeing it like it was about to come to life and eat him, "You could have warned us…"

"Well why else would it be orange?" asked Sirius

Remus grabbed the jug of milk on the counter and chugged it, "I hate spice," he said after he set down the now finished jug, "Hate it."

Sirius rolled his eyes, "Wimps."

…

After breakfast had been eaten and cleaned up, the three boys found themselves in the living room again.

"The sky's clear," said James, "You wanna go flying?"

Sirius shrugged, but Remus was the one who answered, "I don't know…I want to go back on the _laptop. _What about you guys?"

James shrugged, "I am a bit curious…"

"Okay then," said Sirius as he sat down and opened the laptop and was surprised to see the website from the night before open, "Weird," he said, "It didn't clean itself."

"I only closed the top," said Remus, "maybe you have to press a button."

"Whatever, guys," said James, "Lets find something else to read." This statement was followed by silence as his friends starred at him in confusion, "Suit up," he snapped, "Yes, I know I just seriously sounded like Moons."

Sirius shrugged, "How about…" he frowned, "That one, "Who's Harry's Mama?" he read the summary, "**Sirius picks Harry up to put him to bed, and everyone is shocked to hear his first word!**"

"Why that one?" asked Remus

"Because it has me in it," said Sirius

"And I do want to know who this Harry Potter character is," said James, "He keeps popping up everywhere."

"All right," said Sirius as he clicked the link and started to read, "

**Little baby Harry was in a giggling fit. His godfather, Sirius Black, **

"You think he's my kid?" asked James, suddenly

"Maybe," said Remus and then his smile turned goofy, "After all, you're the only mad enough to name Sirius your kids Godfather."

"I am insulted!" cried Sirius

"Just read," laughed James

**was throwing him high up in the air, catching him, and then repeating the process. Lily **

"Lily…as in Lily Evens?" asked James

Sirius shrugged

"Yes, another author who has faith in my future with Evans!" cried James, "And this time we have a kid!"

"We don't know for…" started Remus, but Sirius cut him off

"Don't burst his bubble," said Sirius and the two friends watched in silence as their best friend cheered for three more minutes before James finally calmed down and they could continue to read.

**had a fit at first, threatening Sirius a variety of pain and torture if he ever dropped her boy. Eventually she stopped worrying. **_**Sirius loves the boy too much to ever drop him, **_**she thought to herself.**

"How you convinced her to trust me is amazing, Prongs," laughed Sirius

"Maybe you grew up," suggested Remus

There was a pause before all three friends started laughing, "Yeah, right," called Remus before Sirius started reading again.

**During Sirius's and Harry's little game of "Throw, fall, catch", James Potter **

"YES!"

**apparated in the living room. He smiled at the sight of his little man laughing, giggling, and most certainly NOT crying (he was relieved about that).**

"I hate crying babies," said James with a shiver, he could still remember his baby cousin and how the thing never seemed to shut up.

**"Prongs!" Sirius exclaimed, catching Harry and pausing the game. Nonetheless, Harry was still giggling like a crazy person.**

**James quickly walked over, said his hellos to Remus and Lily, who stopped making dinner, and stood in the living room to watch Sirius and Harry have some fun.**

**James took Harry, rocked and cooed towards him (receiving a gag from Sirius). **

As was happening now.

_**Hypocrite, **_**James thought. He's seen exactly how fatherly Sirius can get with Harry, and James knew he made no mistake appointing Sirius Godfather.**

"You'd make me Godfather of your kid?" asked Sirius

"Course," smiled James, "No offense, Moons," James added quickly.

"None taken," said Remus, "Sirius would make a great godfather."

"Spoil you're kid rotten, Prongs," laughed Sirius

**The next two hours went well. They cooked and ate dinner. Or, rather more precisely, Lily and Remus cooked dinner, while James and Sirius played with Harry.**

"Seems like a plausible future." Smiled Remus

"Like I'd ever let Sirius back into the kitchen after this morning," laughed James.

**It was almost time for Harry to be put to bed when James started trying to get Harry to talk.**

**"Come on, Harry, say it." James said, sitting on the ground next to his boy, "Dad-dy." He sounded out in two syllables. Harry said nothing; instead, he stared at his father.**

"I hope I'm his first word," said James.

**Sirius laughed, "You're doing it wrong, Prongs!"**

**"Oh? Loved to see you do better, Padfoot!" James challenged, glaring at his best friend.**

**"Not now boys, Harry has to go to bed." Lily said, walking into the living room with Remus, who just finished cleaning up the dishes.**

"Your such a house-wife, Rem," laughed James

"Shut up!"

**Sirius looked at the clock hanging on the living room wall. "Bloody hell, it got late!" Lily glared at him-she didn't care for his cursing, especially not around Harry. "I'll take him up to his room." Sirius offered, standing up from the rocking chair in the corner.**

"What," frowned Sirius, "I like kids."

"Makes sense," said James

"Seeing as you act like one all the time," joked Remus

He received a smack for his troubles.

**Hearing no objections, Sirius took this as an 'alright'. He walked over to Harry, picked him up, and was shocked by what Harry said next.**

**"Mama!" Harry said excitedly, staring at Sirius with a grin.**

Everyone started laughing, 'Oh, god, Seer," laughed James, "Lily is going to kill you."

Remus snorted, "Who's the house wife not, Sirius?" he called, "Who's the house-wife NOW!"

**Everyone's' jaws dropped. He looked at James, who looked worried, then snuck a glance at Lily, who looked pissed. She had been trying for a month to get Harry to call her mother. In fact, she's done everything for the boy, fed him, clothes him, washed him, changed him, all without James's help, thinking it would get Harry to call her mother quicker.**

"Run," said James from experience

**"Uh... Maybe James should, uh, take care of Harry." Sirius said quietly, staring at James who stood up.**

**"Yeah," was all he said. James grabbed his boy and led him upstairs. He gave a worried glance towards Sirius.**

"I'm worried if this is the last time I'll see you alive," said James

**"Now Lily, I know-"**

**"Sirius," she said, ignoring the fact that Sirius was speaking.**

**"Uh..." Was all Sirius could muster.**

**"Five seconds."**

"Lucky, you get a warning," frowned James

"She must like you, Seer," said Remus

**Sirius bolted to the fireplace, grabbed the floo-powder and hoped he make it in time. He didn't. Lily gave him a hard kick to the arse, causing the man to stumble into the fireplace. He yelled out his home's name, and flooed away, without any more damage from Lily, luckily.**

"Lucky," nodded James.

"You mean lucky she didn't have a wand," said Remus

"Very lucky," said Sirius

**Remus watched in amusement. **_**The child has some timing, that's for sure, **_**he thought.**

Remus nodded, agreeing with himself.

I want to learn more about this Harry character.

"We can search his name like we did mine," said Sirius

"'Kay," said Remus and he took the laptop and put it in the search engine, "I wonder what comes up."

* * *

**Author Note:**

**I'm back! I hope you all liked it. This will probably be one of the last times I update this month because of finals so love it while you can.**

**I hope you liked it.**

**Lots of Hugs**

**HM**

**PS: REVIEW**


	10. Divination

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. The bold is all from ****harrypotter (dot) wikia (dot) com/wiki/First_Wizarding_War ****and the characters are J. k. Rowling's.**

**What the HELL is Fanfiction?**

**Chapter: Divination

* * *

**

There was silence in the living room as three boys crowed around the _laptop_.

"Read it again, James…" said Sirius as he pulled away from their circle and started to pace the room.

"Sirius…"

"James, just read it!"

James sighed and read it out loud for the hundredth time, still unwilling to believe it, "**During the worst days of the war, a prophecy was made by Sybill Trelawney about the person who would have the ability to defeat Lord Voldemort. There were two possible candidates, both born to members of the Order of the Phoenix in July of 1980: Harry Potter and Neville Longbottom."**

"All of it," said Sirius

"Sirius, maybe…" Remus struggled to calm his pacing friend.

'Just read it."

"**Dumbledore bade the Potters go into hiding with the protection of the Fidelius Charm. While James and Lily Potter wanted to have their close friend Sirius Black be their Secret-Keeper, Sirius thought the enemy would suspect him, but not a "weak, talentless thing" like Peter Pettigrew. Thus, Pettigrew became the Potters' Secret-Keeper. No one, not even Dumbledore or Remus Lupin, knew of the switch. However, Pettigrew was a traitor working for Voldemort, and he told his master that the Potters were hiding in Godric's Hollow." **

James took a deep breath and tried to calm himself. This wasn't true, it wasn't going to happen.

Remus was facing the same predicament. After all, nothing they had read so far had been true.

"**On 31 October, 1981, Voldemort travelled there himself. He killed James immediately,"**

Sirius closed his eyes and willed himself not to start crying. James was alive; he could see him, hear him. He wasn't dead. His only family wasn't dead.

"**But offered Lily a chance to save herself if she stepped away from the crib containing her infant son. Lily refused, and Voldemort killed her"**

Here James' voice started to shake as he willed himself to continue reading. It was hard, but the memory of Lily very much alive kept him from stopping.

"**Before turning the Killing Curse on Harry Potter. However, Lily's sacrifice gave her son the protection of an ancient magic, and the curse backfired, destroying Voldemort's physical body and leaving a lightning-shaped scar on Harry's forehead that a fragment of Voldemort's soul became attached to, inadvertently making Harry a Horcrux.**** Dark Lord fell, though he was not destroyed, sending his followers into disarray."**

"Pads, we don't know if any of this is true." Said Remus

"It's all there." snapped Sirius, "In black and white. Our future. Right there!"

"Yeah and me and you are going to become spontaneously gay and start making out!" Countered Remus, "None of this is true, Seer."

"But…"

"He's right, Pads," said James, "Peter would never betray us to Voldemort. Besides the war will be over by the time we get out of school."

Sirius frowned still not completely convinced, but nodded, "You're right. It's insane to believe otherwise."

"Exactly! Like Muggles could ever tell _our_ let alone _anyone's_ futures" said James, "Now let's get out of here and play some Quidditch before I do anymore reading."

Remus rolled his eyes, "And here I thought you were growing up."

"Never, Moons," laughed James as he shut down the laptop and headed over to his broom closet. "Never."

"Hey," said Sirius after some thought, "If none of it is true then does that mean you'll never get Lily?"

James puffed out his chest, "Of course I will. That is the only thing those writers got right."

"Ha," snorted Remus, "I'm more likely to kiss Padfoot then for you to ever snag Lils."

"True," laughed Sirius and then he took off running as James chased after his friends.

"Oi, come back here!" he cried as the three rushed out of the house, all that they had read long gone from their minds.

…

Sirius Black was quite. That never sat well with James. He had known Sirius about 11 years and rarely had he seen Sirius be so still, so silent.

"What are you thinking about?" he asked his brother in all but blood.

Sirius shrugged and James sighed and sat down on the sofa. "Is it about…the meeting…about what Dumbledore had said?"

"He says it's one of the Marauders, that one of _us_ turned traitor," whispered Sirius, still not looking at James.

James nodded, "And we know it's not me…and we know it's not you…"

"Cause I was with you guys the day the Bones died." Said Sirius

"Leaving only Remus and Peter," finished James.

Sirius didn't say anything and instead starred out the window.

"Who do you think it is?" asked James.

Sirius shrugged and starred down at his ring, simple gold band that signified his bonding to Remus, his mate. A smile tugged at his lips, how joys that day had been. When James had given his best man's speech, screaming to the world that he had beat Remus to it…a reference to a joke made long ago, long before Sirius or Remus had discovered their feelings and they had yet to join the Order and fight this war.

And then he frowned when he felt a nudge of a memory, something he had buried long ago…before the war. Searching and dragging it to the surface, he remembered…a night at the Potters and an odd muggle machine.

"Hey, James?" asked Sirius, "Do you remember the day your Dad gave us that Muggle searching machine…I think it was called a laptop?"

**The End

* * *

**

**Author Note:**

**This story has been a lot of fun to write and I would like to thank all of those who have stuck with it till the end. I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I did writing it. **

**Remember to check out my other 'changing the future of the Marauders' stories.**

**Lots of Hugs**

**HM**

**PS: Yeah I lied about the whole not being able to update. This chapter just popped into my head and it would have been a crime not to write it.**

**PPS: REVIEW**


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